Funny how my adult A-Ha moment hit days before my last whirl around the sun as a twenty-something! To be honest I'm not sure how we came on the subject, pretty sure it started with a joke - something along the lines of "our black baby". Followed by conversation of marriage and the absurdity surrounding "taking a break" from the relationship. Be both are big believers of : your in it or it's over.
Soon we were talking about illegitimate children, what the outcome would be if we were in the situation. When my husband said he'd straight up leave, I can't blame him. Honestly, I don't think I could have the baby. Infidelity is worse enough, that child would always be seen differently, treated differently. The scarlet A, that child would know...
A wee bit shy of ten years yet I get it, what he said wasn't right - it was downright inconsiderate. If I were him I would of said the same thing. Rather know that it was done and over with than live with the fear of the unknown. Funny "I" should say that considering the last ten years were spent cowering in fear that he'd try to become involved. Walking away no strings attached was the best thing I could ever offer that little boy. No shame, hurt feelings... best thing!
Never could I understand, I feared the day that boy would begin asking questions. Clearly I've always had the answers, now I have the framework. It's not an awful conversation, he was protecting his family while I was protecting my newfound family. This is a Happy Ending! A good ten years I can put to rest.
Most definitely my Happy Ending!
