Last night the strangest dream overcame me. As I fell asleep everything became surreal, as I woke up this morning I was waking up out of my dream half expecting to wake up in a bed full of glitter. Dreamstate I was waking up in a downtown flat, bed full of glitter with amazing music blaring from my earbuds. 

I have a friend who is amazing at deciphering dreams and what they mean. He came to mind as a glimpsed in the mirror this morning to find a fleck of glitter on my temple. Soon I began to wonder what he would read into such a dream.

 Life. I feel ready to run. Boots on the ground running. Not away. Getting on with life. 

A shrink once divulged his thoughts on how I was a rare diamond, not to let anyone take my shine away. Glitter isn't a diamond yet it sure does "sparkle". So gonna embrace that sparkle!  

Currently Liistening: Roybn - Dancing on my Own

Reinventing yourself...


I feel in a constant state of change, at the same time I feel like I'm a little girl again. A scared, lost little girl. Like instantaneously everything I have could be gone. Marriage, my child - every other area feels so alone.

My past holds me hostage, I've let go of so much. I've ran, avoided, sucked it up. Through all that there's one thing I can not seem to let go of... my ex. There's this immense fear I hold that something will happen and he'll get my baby. It's hard enough having a piece of your heart out there in human form. Being scared you'll screw it up by default is extremely frightening. This innate drive lives in me to keep tabs from a distance. To keep him under glass, to study him. I want to let go so much, oh I want to. I don't want to need security in knowing - but I choose to know.

It kills me slowly, with each click.